4 Ways to Become a Better Listener (For Video Interviews)

I don't know what it's like in your home, but my husband and I have very different definitions of "good listening"

MY HUSBAND: He'll be folding laundry and I come in to talk to him. He doesn't look up at me, say anything or even acknowledge that he heard me. I'll say, "You're not listening to me!" Then he proceeds to repeat back to be (sometimes word for word) exactly what I said. He'll say, "See, I was listening."
Hah. But that's still not good enough for me- I want him to make eye-contact and not be distracted. 

THIS IS ME: I'll be editing a video and he'll walk in and start talking to me. I can't focus on more than one thing at a time so I'll finish up what I'm doing, turn to him and say, "Ok, now what did you say?"
It makes him mad, but I feel like he should know by now I can't multi-task. 

Despite what we're like at home, we know good listening is a key quality as filmmakers, especially when we're interviewing. And usually we think good listeners just have to maintain eye-contact, stay silent and nod every once in a while.. maybe add some "mhmm's" once in a while. 

BUT. I came across an article that did a study and found 4 surprising things that actually make for good listeners. You can find that article here.

The 4 surprising takeaways they found were: 

1. Good listeners ask questions

"Well obviously, Lisa!" 
Haha I know, but I'm not just saying questions like interview questions. These questions are asked to help clarify an idea or expand on something they're saying. Sometimes I will even interrupt the interviewee to ask a question because it helps me paint a greater picture of their story. It's a way to get more context and it shows that you're listening and following what they're saying, and want to fill in the gaps they forgot to go over. 

2. Good listeners are supportive

In the study they found that people felt that a good listener makes them feel empowered and supported. If you can lift up the other person and make them feel comfortable, they will be more willing to open up and be honest. Which is definitely a thing to strive for in a filmed interview.

3. Good listeners have a two-way conversation  

Contrary to popular belief, staying completely silent is not the sign of a great listener. A good listener is active in the conversation and reacts/responds to the other person. This shows a pro-active interest in what the other is saying, which means you care... which means you're listening well. 

4. Good listeners make suggestions

This one surprised me the most. The article says that people felt someone was a good listener if they offered suggestions. So if you, as the listener, make a connection because you're seeing the story in a different perspective, you can share that with them as a suggestion. Then they will either correct your thinking, or have a realization in that moment where they discover something they hadn't thought of before.

Hopefully I explained that last point well- words are hard. 

Hope that's helpful and you take these points into your next interview. Or start using them at home with your spouse (like I need to.) :)